Babylon Pie

(Sung to the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean)

(Intro)
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How the series used to make me smile...
And I knew if there was P-TEN
That I could watch again and again,
And maybe I'd be happy for a while....

But Sweeps Month always made me cringe,
With every network on a binge,
Bad shows on the TeeVee,
I couldn't take a look-see....

I can't remember if I cried,
When I saw the teasers for "Riptide",
Something touched me deep inside,
The day The Series died.

So....

(CHORUS)
Bye-bye, to my Babylon Five,
Flew my Fury in a hurry,
But the jumpgate's not live.
And Centauri and Narn were drinking Whiskey & Rye,
Singing This'll be the day that you die!
This'll be the day that you die!



(1st verse)
Did you write the Book of G'Quon,
And do you have shadows on the run,
If the Great Maker tells you so?
Do you believe in C'n'C,
Can we be saved by Epsilon Three,
And Zathras, how does he really know?

Well, I know that you're in love with him,
'Cause you vowed to fight out to the rim.
You both left for your own,
And hair grew 'round your bone!

I was a lonely teen religious hick
With a pink prayer crystal and a fighting stick.
But I knew that I had missed the trick,
The day The Series died.

I started singing,...
(CHORUS)


(2nd verse)
Now for two years, we've been on our own,
And spoo grows fat in an alien zone,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the Vice Prez skipped from the ship that blows,
With a cold he said was in his nose,
And a voice that came from shadows.

And while the Earth was feeling raw,
The new Prez declared a Martial Law,
We all raised up a voice,
Oh, but we never got the choice!
The Minbar tried to take the fight,
But the Vorlons refused the right.
Do you recall the "Army of Light"
The day The Series died.

We were singing,...
(CHORUS)


(3rd verse)
Season Four in re-run swelter,
I jumped because there was no shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
And while I sat in fading light,
G'Kar and Londo quit the fight
With Susan on the sidelines in a cast.

In the Beginning was sweet perfume
While Drakh were fleeing Z'ha'dum
For Clark, we will not mourn
The Alliance being born!
So while Narn read the Book of G'Kar,
To be the keepers of Whitestar,
The First Ones traveled very far,
The day The Series Died.

We started singing,
(CHORUS)


(4th verse)
Oh, and there we were all in one place,
With a previous role on "Lost in Space",
And no new network to show the end.
So, c'mon! Producer! J.M.S.!
Now's the time for the forward press!
'Cause fire's the Vorlon's only friend.

Oh, and as I watched them on the stage,
Remotes are crushed with fists of rage,
But Turner who's born in Hell,
Told Warner he could sell.
And as the ratings climbed high upon the charts,
To warm the two Centauri hearts,
I heard Morden carve up space in parts,
The day The Series died.

He started singing,...
(CHORUS)


(5th verse)
I met a girl who sang the blues,
But drugs couldn't save the life she'd lose,
So I just turned and walked away.
I went to the Zocalo,
Where I knew that all the Lurkers go,
But the Nightwatch said opinions wouldn't play.

And in the hallways, the PSI Corp hashed,
The Teeps in hiding began to clash,
But not a word was spoken,
Bester's will's not broken.
The three I owe for what I've done,
My Father, Kosh, and Ranger One.
They caught the Whitestar for the Sun,
The day The Series died.

And they were singing,...
(CHORUS)

Bye-bye, to my Babylon Five,
Flew my Fury in a hurry,
But the jumpgate's not live.
And Centauri and Narn were drinking Whiskey & Rye,
Singing This'll be the day that you die!
This'll be the day that you die!

--Kevin G. J. Freels, March 1998
-- updated November 1998 (new verse)

Want to see more "Bablylon 5" humor from Kevin? Check out:
If Doctor Seuss had written "Babylon 5", and
A Babylon Five Christmas

© Copyright 1998, Kevin G. J. Freels

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